Unaffected and Perfectly Merry


Posted on : 12:05 PM | By : Anonymous | In :

I just joined the Evolved Homeschoolers site, a place for non-traditional homeschooling parents to voice off on a supposedly bi-monthly topics that are unrelated to homeschooling.  Many of the bloggers are unschoolers and all come from a very wide variety of religious or non-religious beliefs.  The topic for November/December is how the recent votes to ban gay marriage fit with my holiday traditions and ideas of family.

As an expatriate American in Canada and with no interest in ever returning, I watched with interest during the election and the side drama of gay marriage votes, but in a kind of objective, curious way as if I was observing several herds of sheep.  There seemed to be an intense fear of same-sex marriage, as if allowing gay couples to marry would contaminate all marriages and make all children gay.  One side seemed very angry and full of hatred, and the other side seemed very nonjudgemental but simply stated their case.   I think much of the hatred and fear comes from not knowing what would happen if gay marriage was legalized.  

The answer?  Absolutely nothing.  I live in a country where same-sex marriage is legal, and it effects my life in no way at all.  The only possible effect might be the availability of organic foods and some great restaurants sourcing local food have gotten more common, lol.  I know several acquaintances who live in committed same-sex marriages, and it's pretty much the same as every one else.  

I don't pretend to understand being gay.  But if some of my family were I really wouldn't care.  I would care more if they felt uncomfortable showing up for holidays, or even if I had a close friend that felt like they couldn't come to Christmas dinner. 

I feel most comfortable in a regular, old nuclear family.  Some people feel most comfortable in some other kind of family.  What concerns me about the people working against this so actively is that many of them come from a religious tradition that stressed alternative forms of marriage very strongly, even saying that a regular monogamous relationship wasn't enough for the full blessings of God.  Hypocrisy is much more dangerous than two people who simply want to live in a committed relationship.  

Have my children been exposed to gay marriage?  Yep.  Did it make them more gay?  No.  Would I care if one of my daughters showed up for Christmas one year and said, "Here's my new girlfriend..."  Yes I would care, in the same way that I would care if they brought home a boy I didn't know.  It would be an adjustment, I have to admit.  But why should same-sex couples go through the same fight as homeschooling, in which many, many parents have struggled and fought against unjust laws that infringe upon their rights to a lifestyle that many find 'dangerous' or 'dysfunctional'?  

Here's a Christmas toast to some families in this world who don't effect me at all, may they live in peace like everyone else.

Comments (7)

Found you via Evolved Homeschoolers and enjoyed your essay.

One of my oldest (living) friends has been in a committed family relationship with someone of her own sex for almost 20 years, which is nearly as long as I've been married to someone um, not of my same sex.

They now have a four-year-old son together who looks just like my friend, although her partner actually gave birth to him. I don't know or particularly care whether they are legally "married" except that I would want for them all the safeguards and rights and freedoms and social supports that my own unschooling family enjoys, even though we're pretty strange too. :)

Thanks for the compliments. :) I also enjoyed your post as well.


I also arrived via EH. I'm another ex-pat (unfortunately forced by circumstances to return for a bit) living in Australia. Just a few days ago Parliament passed a law giving same-sex couples the same legal rights as unmarried de facto partners, who already have the same basic rights as married opposite-sex couples. So while the Marriage Act still specifically defines marriage as being between a man and a woman, they found a nice work-around. It's just not a big deal.

Enjoyed your post.

I wish the US could do something like that, L. I have no personal issues with gay and lesbian people. They are free to make their choices as I am free to make mine.

The problem is that a church that doesn't believe in gay marriage shouldn't have to perform marriages for them. Which they would be legally required to do if marriage was changed to a union between two people of any gender.

We need a win-win situation where the churches don't have to perform marriage against their right and wrong code, but gay people can have the legal benefits of marriage and some sort of civil union.

I don't tink that's right, Gemini. Laws now don't tell churches who they must marry in a religious ritual! So why would legalizing secular same-sex marriage or making other changes to marriage law, be any different?

That's not what I meant, JJ Ross. I meant that the churches would be required to marry two same-sex individuals if the two desired it. Or at least the churches are afraid that would happen and then they would have to appear to support something that they don't believe in.

Oh I see, thanks for clarifying that.
I was responding to your phrase, "Which they would be legally required to do. . . "

But I agree that churches are probably worried with some cause that the pressure to treat all couples in their membership equally would ramp up, if and when the law is no longer backing their biblical interpretations, and they have to defend and enforce it on their own.